Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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