Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
