I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
