If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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