I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
