she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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