For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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