Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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