I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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