how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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