the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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