What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
