Nicole vs. Life
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
