Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
