is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
