I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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