My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize