Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.