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My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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