I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.