OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken