Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy