I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
