He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
