is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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