did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
