Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
