So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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