if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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