Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
