You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
