I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
