you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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