I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.