doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...