He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
