He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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