i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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