dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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