first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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