woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
