My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
