walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
