Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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