I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
