I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
