im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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