Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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