Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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