whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
