dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
