i think my mom watched the whole time
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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