how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
