I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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