those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
