My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
