Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I CAN MOONWALK!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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