my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
