i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
