Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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