you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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