So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
barbara walters just said penis...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
