Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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