Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.