my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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