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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing

  (719): View more from Colorado

  The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  anything for my little brother.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (+49): View more from Germany

  She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"

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• (914): View more from New York

  Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.

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