She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me