remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.