so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
