if you like me you must not know who I am
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
