just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize