Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
