She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
